Effective communication is not about faking the right body language, saying the right words, or forcing the right tone of voice. Who you are and the relationship you have with the person you are communicating with has the biggest impact on effective communication. I always say this when the issue of ineffective communication comes up:
“It’s not a communication problem but a connection problem.”
Many people think that a good communicator is someone who talks all the time or someone who has charm. That is true to some extent. In contrast they may believe that if someone is quiet, that they are not a good communicator. We make these assumptions because we think communication is about how much you say.. But that is not what effective communication is. The first step to being an effective communicator or presenter is to understand what communication is. Effective communication is to relay a message with impact and results and this is achieved in different forms, both verbal and non verbal.
As someone who grew up in Africa, our parents communicated with us without words sometimes. There is a certain way they looked at us as kids that conveyed a message. With that look we knew what to do or what not to do. That effective communication was born out of a relationship. Ever had a toddler who is just starting to talk try to tell you something or ask you for something, but you couldn’t understand what they were saying? The mother of that toddler steps in and interprets the toddler’s message. What is the difference? You both heard the same thing but only one person understood what was being said; the one who has a relationship with the toddler. So you see, effective communication goes beyond how you craft your words, how eloquent or assertive you are, or using a script.
When we have an idea, the first thing we do is communicate it. When we need help from others, the first thing we do is ask. There is a step between our idea and desires and communicating them so that it can have an impact. That missing link is connection. If you ever wonder why no one seems to think your great idea will work or why your colleagues don’t seem to be paying attention, or why your team is not inspired and engaged, it is because you are likely not connecting first before you communicate with them
According to John Maxwell, “Everyone talks, but talk is cheap and only yields limited results.”
Here are a few ideas to help you become a more effective communicator; whether you’re telling a story, leading a meeting, asking for help, or leading a change initiative. Put these three things into consideration as you write your next email, communicate with your team or client, or deliver a presentation.
Know your audience and understand who they are – Many times we don’t consider who it is we are communicating with and therefore we don’t get the intended results. The relationship and connection you have with your audience is counterintuitively the most important strategy for effective communication. Just like the mother and toddler illustration above, a relationship or connection with your audience makes communication easy.
What do you know about your audience? Consider your audience’s communication style, preferred mode of communication, personality style, situation, and needs, before you communicate with them. For example, some people prefer you to be direct and straight to the point. When you feed such people with too much information, for instance in an email, you will lose them quickly and they may not even have the patience to read the email. You may think you may have communicated with them. According to George Bernard Shaw, the greatest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
Are you speaking in the language of your audience? Several times, I’ve had to instruct some of my employees to reframe or modify a presentation or an email they’ve sent out to others. I remember letting them know that the intended audience was not going to understand whatever they were trying to communicate. In another case, I let them know, the email they sent would not be read because I knew how busy the intended audience was. In the case of email communication, consider how busy the recipient’s schedule is, or how many emails they get on a daily basis. I would send an email to some of my colleagues or clients based on when they are more likely to see and open the email. The better your relationship with your intended audience, the better your communication with them will be.
Let what you know about your audience be the driving force behind how you communicate, what you say, and when you say it.
Start with Why. Many times, when we ask others to carry out an assignment, ask for help, or present a new initiative or change without context, it goes on deaf ears so to speak. It doesn’t result in the impact we desire. That communication becomes ineffective. This kind of communication lacks clarity and you might not get the correct response and the intended results. Always start with why or provide context. Sometimes when you communicate with others, the unspoken response is “What does this have to do with me?”, “What are they talking about?” or “Why should I care?”. I’m sure you recall telling a child not to do something or you wanted them to perform a chore and the first thing they ask you is “why?”. Once you tell them why, they have better clarity and they happily do what you want them to do.
In adult communication, the unfortunate thing is that we have stopped asking why but just like the child we still want to know why but we are asking it subconsciously. We need to intentionally and proactively start with why and give context to respond to that unspoken “why”. For instance, as a leader, when you introduce a new initiative, idea or give instructions; it has to be backed by purpose. Your team members have to know why this new initiative exists or why what you are asking them to do is necessary. Not because they have a right to know but because for people, having a sense of purpose inspires action.
Clarity is king when it comes to communicating with others. What do you want your audience to know and what do you want them to do? You need to ask yourself these questions and answer them before you communicate. This will help you frame your communication effectively. When you send that email do you leave things vague? In that meeting you just led or contributed to, have you left people more confused than they were in the beginning?
As an effective communicator, provide a conclusion, an action item, next steps and very importantly, ask for feedback to ensure that what you have communicated was understood. Drop the acronyms if you know that your audience likely has no exposure to them (you can see how this ties to knowing and understanding your audience). Get to the point, say less if necessary, repeat yourself if you have to, send reminders – depending on who your audience is. Some people are detail oriented, so they only understand details, while others are not and they would only understand bullet points.
The bottom line of effective communication is this: people are influenced by what they understand and not what you say.
This is a contributed piece published by Kemi Sorinmade, a certified leadership trainer, speaker, and coach currently serving organizations and individuals in the area of personal and leadership development. With over twenty-five years of corporate experience, she brings a wealth of knowledge, experience and a unique perspective to her clients. She is the owner of The Growth Studio, a leadership development firm that equips professionals and organizations with leadership and process improvement strategies to maximize productivity, performance, and profits.
Interested in submitting a contributed piece? Fill out our contact form.